After you’ve said “I do,” you may be anxious to start a family! But, how do you know what’s the right time to have a baby after marriage? Although there is no right or wrong answer, there are 10 things you should consider before having kids.
Before we get into the right time to have a baby after marriage, I want to start by congratulating you!! This is such an exciting time in your life. Choosing when you will start a family is something you have probably dreamed about. Making this a reality can be one of the most beautiful times in a couple’s life.
So, what’s the right time to have a baby after marriage?
This is going to vary from couple to couple depending on their relationship, lifestyle, and goals. But, most couples wait about three years to start having kids, according to U.S. Census Bureau/CDC in an article on Vocativ. Although this data was collected in 2015, it still seems pretty accurate.
Most women in America are having their first baby at 26 and men are waiting until 31. But does this is just an average of when couples are having their first baby, but what’s the right time to start a family after marriage? You may not want to wait until your late 20s, because of the increase of infertility issues.
10 Things You Should Consider BEFORE Trying to Have a Baby After Marriage
These are all the things that my husband and I took into consideration before we decided to have kids. I need to preface this with the fact that my husband and I are Christians, but God was not the center of our life at the beginning of our marriage. We’ll touch on this more in a bit, but a lot of what I’m sharing is coming from this perspective, along with what we’ve learned in the last 6 years!
1. Age
As infertility rises, so does the age that couples are getting married. It shouldn’t be surprising that as we get older, it’s harder to conceive. If you are close to 35 or older, you will probably want to have kids ASAP.
For couples getting married under 25, you have time to think about when the right time to have a baby is. You don’t need to act fast necessarily.
2. How long you’ve been together
If your relationship has evolved rather quickly, you may want to take some time to enjoy married life! Now that we have two little girls, I can honestly tell you that I love our life so much MORE with them in it, but we also spent 4 years going on dates and exploring together.
I think having a little bit of time to enjoy being married is an important step to creating a strong foundation for your family. For us, it was just part of the process before having kids… so even though we both really wanted to start a family, this felt like the first step in doing so.
3. What are your goals as a couple?
No matter how long you’ve been married, it’s important to sit down and figure out your goals as individuals and as a couple. When you see it all in writing, you may realize that you aren’t ready for kiddos yet. Or… you may see that you’ve done everything that was important to you and you are ready for the MOST important job you will ever have; parenting.
Here are a few things to think about when it comes to your goals:
- Are either of you still in school?
- Do you need to further your education?
- Does your career require you to be away a lot?
4. Stable Career
You will want to consider whether or not your careers are suitable for a family. If not, that’s probably your first step before having kids.
Think about things like:
- Will my income support a family?
- Do you want to be a stay-at-home mom?
- How much traveling does this require?
- Are there benefits that you feel like you need?
My husband was in the military, so we knew that we didn’t want to have kids until deployments were over. This was a HUGE deciding factor for us. We saw how hard it was on the kids when their dad was deployed, we didn’t want our kids to have to go through this.
5. Look at your Finances
Let’s face it, our wallets are never ready for children. But with loads of debt and monthly expenses, you may want to hold off until you have a little more wiggle room in your budget.
Make sure you are both transparent about your debts and finances. After looking at everything, you may want to start a monthly budget so that you are in a more comfortable position when you start having children.
[Here is My SIMPLE Budget for a Baby]
6. Are you both wanting kids right now?
One person can not be unsure of whether or not they are ready for kids, especially if you are newly married. It’s important, to be honest with one another and share what you are feeling.
When you both feel ready to have a baby after marriage, that’s the best time to start trying!
7. How many kids do you want?
You will want to be realistic when talking about how many children you want. This isn’t a time when you need to finalize if you want 3 or 4 children hahahah. Rather, you will want to get on the same page and figure out what that timeline looks like.
Take this formula to figure out how many years it will take to have all the kids you want:
Age you want to have you family completed by….. (-) subtract this number by:
9 Months of Pregnancy + # Years Between Pregnancies (in months) = X (Now divide this number by 12)
Example:
38 (Family Completed)
– 3 Years ( 9 Months + 24 months = 33 Months / 12 = 2.75 Years)
35 (1 Child)
– 3 Years
32 (2 Children)
– 3 Years
________________________________
29 Years old (Age we need to start having kids by)
Now if you are truly undecided and believe the Lord will bless you with the right number of children for your family, I would recommend steering clear of this tip. It caused me quite a bit of anxiety, feeling like I would only be able to have a certain amount of kids.
But, if you are your spouse are pretty set on how many kids you want and their spacing, this will give you a good idea of when you start.
8. What’s your living situation?
There is nothing wrong with small living quarters, my husband and I live in a 40ft fifth wheel with our two little girls (by choice!). But if this doesn’t fit into your lifestyle, you will want to consider getting into something bigger.
9. Are you feeling pressured?
Whether your spouse or a family member is making you feel pressured, this is not the right time to have a baby. You want to be 100% ready and onboard yourself. This is such an exciting milestone in your life, you don’t want to have regrets when it happens.
10. The Lord’s Plans
We can make all the timelines and schedules we want, but we can not change the Lord’s plans. He knows when we need to start a family and how many children we will have. This truly isn’t a decision for us to make.
I believe that we need to put God at the center of our marriages FIRST and be faithful in prayer about starting a family. He will show you when the time is right.. you both will sense when you need to start trying to get pregnant.
Don’t worry too much about “messing up” His timing, I will be the first to tell you that nothing gets in the way of His plans…. not even birth control!
My Thoughts…
When you are deciding on the best time to start trying to get pregnant, there is no perfect time. No matter how hard we try to have everything prepared, there is no right time to have a baby after marriage. You will be blessed with a beautiful family when you are ready!
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