As a mama it’s easy to lose your patience or simply fly off the handle because you’re exhausted. Wouldn’t it be SO much better to enjoy your kiddos and be spontaneous? Learning how to be a calm mom will not only help you to be a better parent but will make you much happier, too!
Before I got pregnant, I remember telling my husband I wanted to be a calm mom. At the time, this meant not flying off handle and going with the flow.
Since having my daughter, I’ve learned that motherhood will test your patience every step of the way. From small things like your baby not wanting to go down for a nap to bigger things like when they come down with the stomach bug, there can be times when it feels like there is always something going wrong.
Although I am not perfect, I have found some things to help me calm down in the midst of the really hard moments. So, I want to share my tips and tricks on how to be a calm mom with you!
5 Steps to Becoming a Calm Mom
When my daughter was in the THICK of the 4 month sleep regression, I found myself losing my patience more than I would like to admit. I would get a little snippy with my husband and then get frustrated with myself for feeling that way.
One night I realized I was NOT being the mom I knew I wanted to be. So, I began googling. Of course, you can find all kinds of awesome techniques out there to calm you down in the moment when you’re feeling out of control. When I say, “5 things to do to stay calm,” these tricks are a more of a long term approach. Every mama is different. They have different needs, wants, and ideas of calm. If you’re wanting to be a calm mom, here are my top tips…
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1. Define what this means to you
Being a calm mom means something different to everyone. For some it’s very simple–don’t lash out and lose your cool. While others may want to have a go with the flow attitude. This means not getting anxious or worked up when things don’t go according to plan.
For me, I realized that I wanted to stay calm in the sense of not being so uptight and just letting life happen. If my little one was struggling with sleep one night, I wanted to just accept her as she is and try to help her as calmly as I could.
Once I sat down and understood what “staying calm” meant to me, I was ready to start taking more of a calm approach to my parenting and everyday life.
2. Evaluate your expectations
One thing that I learned so quickly when I became a mom was that some of my expectations were just too high. While it is great to set the bar high and reach for the stars, if you do this too often, it can leave you feeling unhappy, anxious, or even quicker to lose your cool.
An expectation that I needed to evaluate in order to be a calm mom was my little girl’s sleep routine. For some reason, I had it in my head that she would be sleeping through the night at 6 months old. When that time came and went, every time my little one woke up, I could feel myself getting frustrated more easily. She simply wasn’t ready. Once I came to terms with that, I immediately felt a pressure release. I was able to help her calmly, trusting that she WILL sleep through the night when she is ready!
By evaluating your expectations, and even lowering them if need be, you will feel this weight lifted and a sense of calm arise.
3. Determine your triggers
Once you know what your definition of being a “calm mom” is and evaluate your expectations, you may want to determine what your triggers are.
Do you notice a particular time of day or circumstance that makes you feel like you are about to fly off your handle?
For me, I notice this when my daughter becomes inconsolable (especially in the middle of the night). As a mom, I want to try to fix whatever is bothering her. After 30-40 minutes of screaming and crying, I simply reach my breaking point and feel my blood start to boil. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to help, and I usually find myself lashing out at my husband or feeling this overwhelm of frustration.
Chances are, you’re like me, and you will be able to remember a few instances that triggered you and made you lose your cool.
Once you determine your triggers, you can take steps to prevent yourself from lashing out and losing that calmness that you are wanting to keep.
4. 5 Second Rule
This little trick I learned from Mel Robbins! If you haven’t heard of it, you should definitely check out her book called The Five Second Rule.
This simple tool just helps me to recenter my focus and find my calm.
Let me give you an example of how to use this…..
My daughter is screaming at the top of her lungs and I start to feel myself getting frustrated because nothing is working.
Before I re-engage with her to try something else I say, 5-4-3-2-1. This gives me a second to take a breath and clear my mind a bit. Often I will use this as an opportunity to pray, which helps me to calm down and approach the situation in the way I want to.
5. Let go of Perfectionism
In the day of social media and all kinds of mom guilt and comparing, this one is so hard. We want to be the best moms we can be. We want to be everything for everyone. But, the truth is, we just can’t, and that is OKAY! One of the most beautiful things about life is that no one is perfect. Well, no one except Jesus.
There will be times when things go awry. There will be times when you lose your cool and raise your voice. And, again, that is OKAY!
Things aren’t going to be perfect, and once you let down your guard and understand this, you will feel a calm wash over you. You’re doing your best, mama, and that is all God and your family could ask for!
Yes, there will be times where you continue to lose your cool. You won’t always be the perfectly calm mom, but I hope these tips give you some strategies that will help you! Like I said earlier, there are still days where my patience is wearing thin, but I feel these tips have helped me make those days and moments fewer and farther in between!
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